Monday, September 27, 2010

I'm Back!

Sorry for the delay, folks. I know you've been dying to hear what's going on in the pre-life of Miss Harper Poirier, but I'm afraid it's been kind of a whirlwind of a weekend! Not to mention that Mom's been moody lately (to say the least) and I've been grounded from the internet. I tried to reason with her. "If not for me," I said. "If not for your stifled and slimy but soon-to-be-adorable child, then at least think of all my adoring fans!" Unfortunately, she was not to be persuaded. She and Dad were apparently too busy socializing this weekend to consider my interests. I can only hope their sentiments aren't an adequate depiction of our little postpartum family, or they better invest in some earplugs. I refuse to be ignored once these vocal chords of mine are functional.

And it won't be much longer before those little chords, along with most of my other life systems, are in full swing. Because if my calculations are correct (and they are), today marks the one month pre-anniversary of my cramped little trip down the birth canal. Of course, that date is tentative, as big life goals so often are. And goodness knows, if I could do anything to expedite this "being born" thing, I would. In fact, I overheard Mom's doula telling her the other day that if she worked at it, I could arrive in as little as two weeks. 14 days--how exciting! All Mom's got to do is start rubbing some pressure points in her hands and feet and we can get this show on the road. And I know that if she loved me, she'd get me out of here! So, anyone up for a mani/pedi? I know a lady who really needs one and would love the company...

I suppose I can't pretend that I don't have some anxieties about joining society, though. Most of them having to do with the journey there. I mean, I'm looking at the opening to the tunnel I mentioned that I'm supposed to travel through, and I gotta tell you, I can't see the light at the other end. How the heck am I supposed to make it out in one piece? Or at all? I hope to be briefed on the POA sometime soon. Or Mom and I both might be in for a bit of a shock. (Does she even know what I'm working with in here?)

But regardless of the style of transport, I'm so anxious to stretch out and sit upright, even for just a moment, that I guess I'll do anything. I just hope there's a good masseuse waiting for me on the other side.

Well, it's time for karate practice, so I'd better be heading out. (Is there any other way?) I can't make any promises about the exact time of my next post because Mom's hormones are unpredictable and apparently in command of the house and everyone in it, but I do hope to check back soon. In the meantime, take advantage of your dry and giant living quarters. Some of us should be so lucky.

With my utmost respect and gratitude...or something like that,

Harper Jayne

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