Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The War of the Womb

Hi Friends.

As many of you already know and the rest of you may have guessed, I did decide against that whole "being born" thing last week. The timing just didn't feel right, you know? And, if I must be completely honest, I'm terrified to come out.

Normally, I would hate to admit such a weakness. But then I realized, hey, I'm a baby. So, it's impossible for you to hold it against me. I haven't developed my human instinct to thrive and compete yet. Therefore, I have no problem confessing that I'd rather just be warm and cozy.

Regardless of this sentiment, however, Mom has informed me that I will be coming out one way or another this coming weekend. I have to say I'm a little offended that my desires have been completely ignored here. After all, did I ask to be conceived? Uh...not that I recall. Not that I'm not grateful and all, but if I don't even get a choice in my existence, I should at least get a choice in where I exist, right? Well, apparently Mom will not be convinced. She has provided me with an ultimatum: Either I find my way out of her womb on my own by Saturday morning, or she's sending in an army of baby-extractors to drag me out, kicking and screaming.

Clearly, the former option sounds like the more pleasant of the two for the both of us. But I'm not sure I'm ready to compromise my principles just yet. I mean, at this point, if I do decide to come out, it's not really my decision anymore, is it? So, if I really don't have a fair choice in the matter, I may as well hang on for dear intrauterine-life and (head)stand up for what I believe in. That is, a baby's right to choose. To choose when or even if she'd like to be born. It's like no one has ever considered the fact that I'm a tiny human and stuff. What about human rights, civil liberties and all that?

Well, I may not persuade Mom and the rest of the world just yet that my opinion is important, but I certainly intend to hold my ground. It's something that must be done for all frightened fetuses of the world. And maybe one day, our right to choose Womb over World will be recognized and respected. We may encounter an unhappy mother or two along the way (my own included in that number so far), but in the end, they will all come around. Once they begin to understand the comforts of home they're asking us to sacrifice, they'll grow bigger wombs to house us and stronger backs to support us. After all, a mother is a mother, is she not, and should love her child as all mothers do, regardless of where her offspring resides?

In conclusion, friends, the World may win this particular battle, come Saturday morning, despite the best efforts of this little warrior. But watch out women, for my fellow fetuses will one day rise victorious from the War of the Womb!

See you all Saturday, against everything I believe in,

Harper Jayne

P.S. Please, oh please, oh please don't make me come out!