Thursday, September 23, 2010

Escaping Streisand

Hello again.

Mom and I are pretty exhausted today--she, from an early wake-up call and me, from a long day scoping out escape routes from the world of amniotic fluid. After a great deal of effort, I have so far eliminated the possibility of clawing my way through this uterine wall with ten of the softest, sorriest excuses for fingernails anyone could be honored to sport. Nor is it possible, according to current data, to get through the wall by means of a reverse bear-crawl directly against the belly. As much as I thought she was tired of lugging me around, Mom is clearly not on my side in these endeavors. The moment I get a good push with my rear against her belly, she starts pushing against me, like I'm some hernia or knotted muscle that must be kneaded out, and I'm forced to resign for a moment. If I didn't know better, I'd think she didn't want me to get out at all. Anyway, needless to say, it has been a long day and I'll be keeping this post rather shorter than the last.

I merely wanted to remind those of you who may have already lost track of time, that shortcut or not, I am scheduled to make an appearance in the outside world in only 34 days. Although, if Mom makes me listen to one more Streisand film, it might be much sooner. Last week-Yentl. Today--Funny Girl, for at least the third time since my hearing developed. I mean, I like Babs as much as the next fetus, but it's like, c'mon, Mom. I have a whole world to experience. Maybe we can lay off the show tunes for awhile? (Or maybe I can put that much more effort into my escape through the uterine wall. The choice is yours.)

A special note to mom, while we're making suggestions:

I'd just like to point out that I love ice cream. Like, really love it. I know I can't actually taste it or anything, but I always know when you eat it, and I just love the buzz I get while you digest. But if you're going to eat it before bed, I'm going to keep you awake. If not directly, then I'll make sure that your acid-reflux will. That's really all there is to it. So, unless you're just in the mood for some quality bonding time and a sleepless night, don't do it. Again, just a suggestion.

And that, ladies and gents, concludes this evening's reflections. I'll be back tomorrow with more tales from the wombfront, but for now it's hasta la vista, Baby.

Cheers and stuff,

Harper Jayne

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